Sunday, 15 November 2015

Rounding out and fitting in...



Prepare for a bit of an emotional post, well maybe I'm just the emotional one being emotional about silly things that I shouldn't even be worried about. What's great about pregnancy is that you get to share at least three different sides to yourself a day; an excited self, an exhausted self and a complete emotional wreck. So when I say that's great, I'm totally meaning the opposite, but you get the picture. The people closest to you get to see all the crazy sides of you before lunch time.

This week has been one of those funny weeks; I just feel so unsettled in our new place. I know people but it feels like I don't have a lot of friends. Memories of my teenage years in the area flow in and out; some good, some not so good. It doesn't matter where you go, you see a million people you know but you don't really know if they know you back, whether they even remember you or just have no interest in saying hello. So far, I haven't had time to make new friends or reconnect with many old ones; we've been up and back to Sydney a lot, I've done a bit of casual teaching (I'll fill you in on that story another day) and my husband is still in Sydney with work until the end of the year. 

I'm not complaining about the lifestyle change, I'm excited to see what's to come but it's just a really weird feeling being back here living as a family, instead of coming back on holiday as a crazy, single Uni student. Some people I know have kids, but not many. The problem is that when you have kids it's not easy catching up with people that don't. Life is all about preschool drop off, park play dates and whether a cafĂ© is child friendly or more importantly would my kids sit still while I chat to my friend I may not of seen for years? I think not.

Then comes the other whole part of pregnancy, the getting fat part. When you are seeing people for the first time in a long time, you kind of want to feel your best. You don't want to feel bloated, pimply and tired. It's totally something in your head that you need to snap out of but it's also easy to just stay closed up in your own little world. I mean I get that growing a human is an amazing thing and who really cares what happens to your body in the process as long as your baby is growing well, but I know you get what I'm saying. We are our own worst enemy, and having babies and being a mum can really suck the wind from under you sometimes at all angles.

You see, before we moved, I was busy, like really busy. Mornings were rushed to get out to preschool or ballet or a park play date, food was eaten on the run, and I was always telling my kids to hurry up to get to the next appointment. I didn't realise how much I was doing and how much pressure I was putting on myself to do it.

Now we have moved, it's a shock to the system, being quiet. There's just less to get done and more time to reflect and enjoy which is what our family really needs. As the weeks pass, I'm learning to accept the new pace, enjoy running into people and making new and old connections. I'm focusing on putting more energy into the quiet parts of our lives and I think I'll just enjoy my little people for a while without all the noise. Its all a huge transition and a process but I think we'll get there and when we do, we'll love it!
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