Sunday, 28 February 2016

Cancer... I hate you

It's easy to distance yourself from real stuff when your running the race of your own life, kids get you busy and it's all about looking after them and the real life stuff can turn into a bit of a blur around you. I'm good at living in my own little world and not worrying about much outside my bubble. I easily switch off from the bad outside as it's like a coping mechanism, if I don't think it, it's not there. I think the death of my dad didn't hit me until years later when I realised he couldn't be at the big life events that I really need him at!
Call me selfish, call me busy, but my brain will work the way it does.

A big thing I switch off from is real sickness, I worry about my own little kids; a little cold, a cough, a fever, I worry that they need so much more of me than I can physically give, I worry about silly stuff! I try to keep my own kids healthy, I try, I hope and I pray... I live in my bubble of striving wellness, and sickness of others comes in and out of my ears but rarely reaches the insides of my thoughts or worries because our focus is on us.

When I hear of someone having cancer, I shake my head with the thought of someone else being struck down but there's distance in really knowing what's going on. There's some love and good healing vibes sent their way but such a barrier between the thoughts and what's real. You can't see someone going through having cancer through a verbal message that someone has it, it's a simple way of knowing and not giving the full throttle emotional support that you may be able to give.

The past couple of months has reminded me what sickness really is and what it can actually do and I want to shout to the roof tops; Cancer I hate you!

Recently, an inspirational leader in wellness; Jess Ainscough passed on over and I cried through the computer screen. I cried because I remember receiving the first email from a friend telling me about this great new blog that was Jess's, I remember most of her blog posts and inspiration and I loved getting enthralled in the information that she shared. It was shock and it was real.

Fast forward a month and I hear news from my hometown that a local in our age bracket that we all know and love had passed away from the big C. A battle he so badly fought for many years had got him and it brought the town together like no other. It hit everyone and reminded us that it can be anyone.

And then, just last week, I walk into the supermarket bumping into a childhood friend who is fighting this same battle and I look at her in the face and I ask her how she is. Really? How is she? She looks tired, run down, and helpless. Cancer is stripping her of everything she’s got and I ask her how she is. But what DO you say? I was totally stuck for words; I wanted to grab her and hug her and tell her everything was going to be ok but I didn’t know if that was true. I stood there nodding my head like an idiot fighting back the tears as she stood holding onto something, puffing for breath to just keep going. I got in the car and I cried.

This is when I really remembered how shit cancer is and this is the moment when the memories start rolling back in of my dad. Within one month, cancer and chemo took away his ability to stand, chew or even hold a conversation. It was hard to breath and hard to get to the toilet. We couldn’t talk to him because he couldn’t stand sound, we couldn’t open the blinds because he couldn’t cope with any light. He didn’t enjoy it, he didn’t soak up the attention, he just wanted to be out of pain and be him, the way he was before.  

Now, I have allowed my emotions to grieve, I also think of the Belle Gibson crazy-ness and that makes me angry, to think that someone could pretend they had this disease and milk it for what it is was worth makes me angry, sad and horrified! This is real, Cancer is real, sickness is real, death is real. Preventative health goals are great but if someone is struck down, we need to remember to support them the best way we can.  

I’m not sure where this post is going or what my real point is but what I can say is; CANCER I HATE YOU!

Let's be there for family and friends, love each other and support each other, not just in sickness but every single day. We need to try to live with minimal stress, put good things in our bodies and have a good time socially. Life is a precious so let's enjoy the little things and appreciate what we have when we have it. 

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