A moment of truth, a moment of frustration, a moment of “why is this so hard?” is happening over here… Right now, I sit in my filthy house looking at piles of washing waiting to be folded, food crumbs on the floor, and all round mess everywhere. And then, a child comes over to me and tells me their hungry. My own child that it is my job to feed. And I sigh, almost tears in my eyes thinking; “do you really need to eat again?”
I love being a mum, I love being a whole foodie and I love knowing that everything that goes into my child’s body is only the best to purely nourish them and feed their growing insides, meeting their individual needs, healing there little guts and giving them the best chance at being the best whole healthy adults that they can be. That is whats important to me, food is important to me.
Washing, cleaning and all round household duties finds themselves on the back burner. I can cope most of the time with this, my husband cannot. He likes things tidy. I would love to have time to keep things tidy. But instead of finding the time to keep my house in order, I am cooking, always cooking. When I decided to take on the GAPS journey over 6 months ago, I knew it would be hard but it started off so easy. I was on top of all the broths, the supplements, the soups, the stews. The kids ate when they were genuinely hungry, they weren’t interested in snacking because the snacks were limited to broth jellies and left over stews. I felt like I was all over it, we were seeing results and it was great.
Today, I look at Sunny as he is recovering from yet another rash all through his face that I believe was a reaction to too much fruit, while I change the never ending poo-ey nappies for the day, almost dissecting the poo screaming out inside; “Why does it still look undigested?”, in between being nagged for another snack and being told by the big kid that she doesn’t like what I have prepared and will not be eating it… But will ask me in 5 minutes for a banana. The thought of preparing and cooking the next meal and always having something ready is always in the back of my mind, and the guilt I have for giving into giving them a piece of fruit or some nuts when I know its going to give them the runs. There’s no time to stop. Its just another meal, another day. And the never ending pain of another rash and the questions as to how it came about and why isn’t this little kid fixed yet.
Today, I am frustrated, frustrated that I can’t make porridge for breakfast, pass my children a vegemite sandwich for lunch and make a risotto for dinner. I am frustrated because real food is expensive and filler foods like bread, cereals and rices are cheap. Frustrated that supplements cost money and that chiropractic and holistic doctor apointments take a huge chunk out of our wage. Frustrated that life isn’t simple and that the society that we live in is so full of gut issues that we think its normal to not feel right, that its normal when our children have a rash, or are constipated or funky coloured poo is fine. Or its normal for our kids to take forever to start talking or to have a major tantrum at the park. Or to be waking up all night. When really its not normal for any of that. We want what is best for our children, we want them to be healthy and we want them to have the best chance at everything so that is why I am doing what I am doing. I am tired and today I am frustrated at the world that everything is not simple but tomorrow may be better and the next day even better. Why? Because I am doing whats best for my own children, exactly what they need right now. Today I will be frustrated but I will keep at it, keep cooking and keep giving myself a break from the bother. I will focus on health and what I’m doing thats good. I will slowly fold my washing and tidy my house. But for now, I will sit on the couch with a cup of tea, taking a few deap breaths and I will be ok because I know all the work and effort I am putting in is for my beautiful children to thrive.
Some of you are going to read this and think get over yourself or stop being such a downer, I should be inspiring you. Well I hope some of you take away that its ok to feel like poop sometimes and feel like your drowning in piles of washing and dirty dishes, we are all in this together working the best way we can. Us mums must stick together!