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Cancer… I hate you

It’s easy to distance yourself from
real stuff when your running the race of your own life, kids get you busy and
it’s all about looking after them and the real life stuff can turn into a bit
of a blur around you. I’m good at living in my own little world and not
worrying about much outside my bubble. I easily switch off from the bad outside
as it’s like a coping mechanism, if I don’t think it, it’s not there. I think
the death of my dad didn’t hit me until years later when I realised he couldn’t
be at the big life events that I really need him at!

Call me selfish, call me busy, but my
brain will work the way it does.
A big thing I switch off from is real
sickness, I worry about my own little kids; a little cold, a cough, a fever, I
worry that they need so much more of me than I can physically give, I worry
about silly stuff! I try to keep my own kids healthy, I try, I hope and I
pray… I live in my bubble of striving wellness, and sickness of others comes
in and out of my ears but rarely reaches the insides of my thoughts or worries
because our focus is on us.
When I hear of someone having cancer,
I shake my head with the thought of someone else being struck down but there’s
distance in really knowing what’s going on. There’s some love and good healing
vibes sent their way but such a barrier between the thoughts and what’s real.
You can’t see someone going through having cancer through a verbal message that
someone has it, it’s a simple way of knowing and not giving the full throttle
emotional support that you may be able to give.
The past couple of months has
reminded me what sickness really is and what it can actually do and I want to
shout to the roof tops; Cancer I hate you!
Recently, an inspirational leader in
wellness; Jess Ainscough passed on over and I cried through the computer
screen. I cried because I remember receiving the first email from a friend
telling me about this great new blog that was Jess’s, I remember most of her
blog posts and inspiration and I loved getting enthralled in the information
that she shared. It was shock and it was real.
Fast forward a month and I hear news
from my hometown that a local in our age bracket that we all know and love had
passed away from the big C. A battle he so badly fought for many years had got
him and it brought the town together like no other. It hit everyone and
reminded us that it can be anyone.
And then, just last week, I walk into
the supermarket bumping into a childhood friend who is fighting this same
battle and I look at her in the face and I ask her how she is. Really? How is
she? She looks tired, run down, and helpless. Cancer is stripping her of
everything she’s got and I ask her how she is. But what DO you say? I was
totally stuck for words; I wanted to grab her and hug her and tell her everything
was going to be ok but I didn’t know if that was true. I stood there nodding my
head like an idiot fighting back the tears as she stood holding onto something, puffing for breath to just keep going. I got in the car and I cried.
This is when I really remembered how shit
cancer is and this is the moment when the memories start rolling back in of my
dad. Within one month, cancer and chemo took away his ability to stand, chew or
even hold a conversation. It was hard to breath and hard to get to the toilet.
We couldn’t talk to him because he couldn’t stand sound, we couldn’t open the
blinds because he couldn’t cope with any light. He didn’t enjoy it, he didn’t
soak up the attention, he just wanted to be out of pain and be him, the way he
was before.  
Now, I have allowed my emotions to
grieve, I also think of the Belle Gibson crazy-ness and that makes me angry, to think that someone
could pretend they had this disease and milk it for what it is was worth makes
me angry, sad and horrified! This is real, Cancer is real, sickness
is real, death is real. Preventative health goals are great but if someone is
struck down, we need to remember to support them the best way we can.  

I’m not sure where this post is going
or what my real point is but what I can say is; CANCER I HATE YOU!

Let’s be there for family and friends, love each other and support each other, not just in sickness but every single day. We need to try to live with minimal stress, put good things in our bodies and have a good time socially. Life is a precious so let’s enjoy the little things and appreciate what we have when we have it. 

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